Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
