we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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