The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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