We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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