I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
