i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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