he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
