I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
