Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
