Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
