He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
