I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
