Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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