I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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