We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
