dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
