Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
