its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
