my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
