your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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