My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
