I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
