It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
