So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
