I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
