Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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