i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
