My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
