Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
