i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
