My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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