There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the day after is always just damage control
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
