peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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