the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
