well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
