my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
