you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
