Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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