Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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