I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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