He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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