A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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