Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if i can run in heels then i can drive
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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