Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
