u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
