So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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