No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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