How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
