She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
