SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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