well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
