why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
