I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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