Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
