My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
