i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
