the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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