Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
