i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
