He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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