i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
