I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
