Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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