her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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