i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
