the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
