i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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