This is not my ceiling
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
