my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You made out with two different species that night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You ate ashes out of my bong
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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