I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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