I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
