It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I just put wine in my tea
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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