I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
