Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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