He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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