It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
