well he's currently spooning the coffee table
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
