I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
